What age does divorce affect a child the most?

January 8th 2024

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At what age does divorce affect a child the most?
 
While the impact of divorce on children is profound at any age, understanding the distinct challenges each age group faces is essential for providing the right support. 
 
Divorce is a complex and emotional process, especially when children are involved. By recognising the needs of your child at different developmental stages, parents can tailor their approach to provide the necessary support and create a stable environment during this transitional period. 
 
Seeking professional help, such as children's divorce counselling, can further aid both parents and children in processing and adapting to the changes.
 
The effects of divorce on children
 
The impact of divorce on children varies depending on their age and developmental stage. For newborns and infants up to 18 months, the tension in the family home between their parents is often felt, leading to irritability and clinginess. It can affect how they form relationships in the future.  
 
These young children may show signs of developmental delay and regression. Consistency and familiarity become crucial, with a focus on maintaining a normal daily routine, especially regarding sleep and meals. 
 
Toddlers aged 18 months to children aged 6 years, understand the situation better and may feel responsible for their parents' separation. They might exhibit behaviours like increased crying, attention seeking, and reverting to thumb-sucking for comfort. 
 
Establishing normal routines and spending quality time with the child becomes essential during this phase. For school-age children, such as 8-year-olds, the effects include fear of abandonment and understanding parental conflicts. 
 
These children may express anger, anxiety, withdrawal, or depression. Offering a sense of security, spending quality time, and encouraging open communication help address their concerns. Teenagers facing their parents' divorce may encounter academic problems due to lack of concentration, increased stress, anger, and potentially depression. Monitoring their behaviour, showing genuine interest, and seeking professional help if needed can provide crucial support during this challenging period.
 
The effects of divorce on children

Children under 3 years

Parental separation during a child's formative years can have subtle yet significant effects. Children under 3 may display behaviours such as fussiness, clinginess, and possible delays in developmental milestones. It's crucial to maintain a consistent routine, ensure unified parenting approaches, and create a loving and secure environment with the involvement of both parents.

 

Children aged 3-5

Between the ages of 3 and 5, children develop a better understanding of abstract concepts. The concept of divorce may be challenging, leading to emotional reactions, feelings of responsibility, sleep difficulties, and a heightened need for control. To mitigate these effects, establishing a stable routine, promoting civil communication between parents, avoiding conflicts in the child's presence, and considering mediation are vital.

 

Children aged 6-12

Elementary school-aged children face distinct challenges during divorce. They are old enough to understand family dynamics, leading to feelings of guilt and conflict. Common questions and statements include expressing a sense of responsibility, questioning love and leaving, and making promises to listen and behave. To assist children aged 6 to 12, parents should minimise conflicts, remain actively involved and offer emotional support.

Divorce can affect children in different ways. Typically it is younger children who become most affected but this can really vary depending on the divorce process, whether it is amicable or not and how the parents respond to the break up and how involved the children are in the process. 

 

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